Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...

I was about stepping out of the house a couple of weeks back and like most of us do, decided to check myself out. Truly a mirror check of one's self is not all about vanity.

It's easy to smile now, especially because the 'disaster' did not happen. It was one of those bad-hair days and I’d chosen to use a scarf. A convenient bail out on days like that, but must also be well done to avoid 'stories that touch'...lol. I probably felt it wasn't my first time and could tie it without looking into a mirror. But that last look, that last minute of saying, “...mirror, mirror on the wall, am I as fair as I should be today?” was my saving moment. I'd tied it all wrong, with parts that shouldn't be revealed peeping out. Laughing at myself, I touched it up here and there, and dashed out.

I'm sure many of us have had similar experiences too, from wearing our shirts inside out, buttoning them all wrong, mismatching accessories or discovering food stuck on our teeth. This one left me with deeper thoughts on how important mirrors are. If we'll only be true to what we see and make appropriate touch ups, many disastrous images or wrong representations of who we are would be corrected just at the right time. For physical looks, I’m sure many ladies reading this, would be like....come on, I carry a mirror around, and take a quick peep at every reflecting metal I pass. However, this goes beyond the physical.

God has been kind enough to bless us with people around us, who could serve as mirrors. To help us with feedback on how we look, how we do, how we talk, how we treat others, and how we treat ourselves. Yes I know, some give these feedback in discouraging ways, at the wrong time and some even without being asked. The issue really is what we do with the reflections from these people-mirrors. Do we ignore? Are we humble enough to receive them and eventually make attempts to touch up? Or are we surrounded by people who tell us what we want to hear, not what we need to?

Bible readers are familiar with the scripture that talks about a man looking at himself in the mirror, and forgetting what he looks like afterwards. This verse not only helps us see our need to have the Word of God also as mirror for our lives, but encourages us to do something about what we see. It's either you're confident after looking into it to continue in the good graces. Or you are clearer on the gaps in certain life areas that need to be worked on - health, finance or relationships.

Let me  include the need for us to strike a balance with this. Some feedback or counsel will not be true, or in our best interest. Walt Disney, Oprah Winfrey, Les Brown and many others became success stories despite the negative things they had been told. They were not deterred from their personal convictions on who they were or what they could do. For this I’ll say don't gaze too long into bad mirrors.

As I conclude, it is good to open up more to feedback, be more sincere with ourselves, and make efforts to improve. I also leave us with the challenge to be true mirrors for others. Not like those funny mirrors at fairs that give distorted images of a fatter, shorter, thinner version of the object but those giving accurate reflections. Our feedback should propel change, boost morale... as we speak the truth, even in love.

2014... What Will You Sow?

I was in a discussion with some close friends over the holidays. And we looked at the different encouragements and themes many people, groups, organisations and ministries/churches start the year with. Then one of us asked a question. Is there anywhere people are challenged to look out for what to give in a new year? Or in another way, are we being inspired to make a difference in life or community as against, what we would get?

This got me thinking beyond that day. Personally I'm a believer in having a positive outlook to a new beginning (like a year) by having a theme to focus on. I even recommend it. That way, as much as possible the mind is stayed on what is right. And more often than not, it help brings about the right results too.

However, this year, I've been compelled to reconsider an addition to this perspective. It's like a farmer, who commences a season with a great harvest in mind. The big question to ask him would be "what seed are you planning to sow?" This would lead to other deliberations like what kind of field/soil must he have, when must he plant, how must he plant, what other people or things must he have for this great harvest to be a reality.

My thought is many get to hear these encouragements, sometimes even quote them often but don't go beyond believing. However, if a farmer sows no seed, no matter how big his harvest dream is, he'll get nothing.

So here's the simple challenge, we need to ask ourselves over and over again this question. What am I going to sow to achieve this year's favour, supernatural turnaround, upgrade, increase et al. Like I learnt from my hubby recently, your seed could be in 3 forms - Time, Talent or Treasure. Do you know what seed you must sow for that harvest?

Do you have to believe more, spend more time with God, wake earlier, sleep later?  Do you need to learn something new, revisit the drawing board on a forgotten project? Are you going to be more committed in your relationship, communicate better, talk less, meet new people? Would you let go of some mindsets, give to a charity or someone really in need... When this has been identified, then look into the best way to sow it. Try to learn from others, and also ensure you maximise all opportunities that come up.

I'm assured this additional approach to starting a new phase, would help a great deal. Even the Great Book says - He gives seed to the sower...you have a seed, do you know it, will you sow it? For surely, we can't take 2014 like 2013 and expect anything different.

Even Cinderella Had Till Midnight

I’m sure many would understand what it is like to get an inspiration on something to share, but never really get around doing it. That is the case with this post. As time passed I’ve also had different ideas on how to title it, from ‘Yes the grass may just be greener on the other side, but the owner of the field probably has blisters’ to ‘It’s not going to come or stay that easy’. Finally I decided on this perhaps because it’s the most recent.

 

For all who recall the famous Cinderalla story, her wishes did come true (courtesy of her fairy godmother) but then could only hold till Midnight. ‘Cos in reality, wishes are limited. They could set us off on the course but we have more to do in reality. And this actually is the message I’ve carried in my mind for so long, with too many incidents hitting it home over and over again.

 

Life allows us very often the occasion to compare. To look over the fence and often just wish for the results and accomplishments of others, but very rarely the efforts that have been put in. It’s about time we go beyond that, and consciously move to being deliberate and purposeful about what we truly wouldn’t mind, what we really want in every area of life.

 

No relationship for example would blossom without being cared for. Be it with family, friends, colleagues or even God. It’s easy to watch others and desire the intimacy/rapport we see. But it wasn’t automatic for them. Choices were made, actions were deliberately taken that is why they enjoy what they have. Are you willing to be humble, to compromise for fairness, to serve, to give (hugs, kisses, time, encouragement and support or gifts), forgive offenses and even to pray? Are you ready to show courtesy, saying ‘please’, ‘thank you’ and ‘I’m sorry’ at the right time and in the right way? So if you are fortunate to be married to a rare gem, you’ll need to brace yourself up more consciously for that gem to remain rare, even to you.

 

That child of yours is not going to be a believer in your faith, ideals and values just because you are. You need to make sure you walk the talk, in addition to teaching because that’s what kids know best. No school is going to make a genius out of your child (academically or in extra-curricular). Look out for the “outliers” in your child’s school, there’s definitely something different the folks are doing. What have you observed in your child? What have you done so far? Are you ready to motivate, encourage or pay an expert to coach to help him be the best he can be?

 

Yes you graduated the same year as that friend of yours. Probably you even got your great job months before he got his. How come he rarely complains of needing funds for personal things, he even just invested in another income generating opportunity. And he also gets to go on vacations to take a break now and then. Yet you don’t understand how your take home isn’t actually taking you home. You shouldn’t be wondering, instead ask questions, read books (e.g. the Richest man in Babylon, simple and practicable), make a plan, if possible get someone you can be accountable to, note your expenses and review it, save something as often as you can, invest in other streams of income…it won’t be easy but your grass will get greener.

 

The same applies to your health. How careful are you about what and when you eat? Don’t just sign up at that gym, get started. What of that skill/knowledge you gained a while back? It will only remain unproductive as long as you don’t upgrade or creatively apply it, even if voluntarily.

 

In all honesty, it’s difficult to push though on anything that doesn’t even mean anything to us. It’s tough to consciously study and learn about what we don’t value. Perhaps it’s a re-orientation that is required, to begin to value, and stop taking casually those things that really matter. But if for any reason, that relationship means the world to you, if your health should tell a different story in your lineage, if your child is indeed your treasure… by all means, go beyond wishing, become deliberate, even get the blisters because the sun and the rain would come and they will help guarantee the greenness of your field.

Don't Lose The Reason Why

Indeed there would be times in our relationships especially marriages when we ask ourselves - what exactly was the reason or purpose for this? Situations could come up to question why you even went far enough to say "I Do".

I believe God must have been touched by my musings on this, cos I was led to the popular scripture in Ecclesiastes...

Two can accomplish more than twice as much as one, for the results can be much betterIf one falls, the other pulls him up; but if a man falls when he is alone, he's in troubleAlso on a cold night, two under the same blanket gain warmth from each other, but how can one be warm alone?And one standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer; Three is even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken(Chapter6 v 9-12 TLB)

Rewind back to Gen 2v18... And the Lord said..'It isn't good for man to be alone; I will make a companion for him, a helper suited to his needs'

Yes, scripture is our life manual, and definitely the best source for solutions on any issue and answers to questions we have. There are many other references to marriage aside these, but for now I would stay on these.

So here's my encouragement, when those thoughts come, remember...

1. Companionship is good and God had this in mind. In this relationship, you have a friend to talk to, someone to spend time with, share life with and all the blessings that come with it.

2. Man, she is your helper, suited to meet your needs. Equipped to, if you'll allow her.

3. Woman, you are his helper. With you, he is even better off.

4. Together, you accomplish more. Your results on things done jointly are way better.

5. Somehow, most times, you are not both down at the same time. So that the one up can support the one down to stand again. Many times you don't see things the same way, so that you can both share different perspectives on an issue for a more balanced position and decision. (When this happens with us, my hubby and I call each other 'check and balance')

6. A cold night, cozy under the blanket...nothing like a great love making to the one you're committed to and who is committed to you. You have the right to legit romance and passion, no rush, no guilt, no shame.

7. Back to back, that's your warfare position...you've got his/hers, he's/she's got yours.

8. The ultimate, ultimate...when the one who established it is involved, God Himself; as foundation, as wall around, as light by day and fire by night....it is guaranteed, destiny would be fulfilled, your Canaan would be reached and possessed.

To conclude on this, just recently I read some articles that further inspired me, so try to...

9. Remember those special things about him/ her that you fell in love with; that made your eyes so single (and focused back then) and your body full of light. That's why it is him/her not another. Remind him/her about these things.

10. When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable. So you don't fall into the error of abuse, thankfully re-commit to God. He has a way of restoring the specific sense of purpose of our marriages and the flame so many cares have started to almost blow out.

At His Feet,
Fola''Fayo

On The Way There

As I prepare this note, I am filled with deep gratitude for my life and the many blessings of God I enjoy. One thing I know God has blessed me with, is the ability to think deeply about a matter.When a thought or idea comes my way the brooding process begins. It turns over and over, I perceive different dimensions to it, and then begin to spot and identify information around me that explains it more. A lot of times though, in His Presence (my Secret Place), I get conclusions and directions. Recently, this happened again.

 

I actually have some recordings on this, so I would start from there, knowing many aren’t privy. It’s on Purpose.Lately for me, the pursuit of purpose has practically consumed me. I pray a lot about it and have discussed with close ones too. The major concern for me, is not wanting to “dilly-dally”. Like I say often, I just want to hit the bull’s eye on this one. I won’t say I’ve got to a satisfactory point yet, but I would like to share some learnings God brought my way.

 

Many of us are also at that point, where we want to discover what we’re here for and living it, or that value we are meant to be adding or that message we are meant to be delivering.A big question however is, what is driving that pursuit? Is it the fear of being left behind by your peers or perhaps being outraced by those coming after you? Is it the ambition to achieve great feats just so your name can be recorded in some hall of fame? The truth is when these are weighed against ‘the Time beyond time’, these reasons won’t matter. What will go through to the life beyond now, is YOU and the thoughts of the One who is ever out of time, God Himself. And my take out on this was, WHO YOU BECOME while you pursue, discover and live purpose is key. In other words, are you becoming a better you according to His standard? Are you being refined into Gold?

 

The second learning for me came while discussing this topic again with a friend. It was further reinforced with a tweet I saw by TD Jakes on embracing the process. I’ll say on this simply- MAXIMIZE THE MOMENT. Many of us are so caught up in achieving certain things that we miss the details along the way.I asked someone lately, if you were blindfolded and made to touch the hand of five people (the sex/gender of your spouse), would you be able to tell who your spouse is? This may be simple for some, but what about other details like the fingers/toes of your kids. The window the sun shines through in the morning in your house. The taste of the different spices in your meal. The (new) logo on your favourite brand. Mmh… the details, the process, the journey… seemingly trivial, but very key as well.

 

The last, but definitely not the least is this. Discovery of purpose outside of discovering the One who made you is really incomplete. When it has all been said and done. We’ll get to the other life. To me, it’s the real life. It’s weird to put two strangers in a place to live forever. My thoughts, you certainly don’t want to spend eternity with someone you don’t know. Why not spend the time here, while going about pursuing purpose, getting to know the One who made you? This is more than what others tell you about Him or what you read. It should be you experiencing Him for yourself, and knowing Him one on one. I believe this on its own will give the sense of fulfillment that can’t be matched by any other experience this side of life.

 

I’m convinced that as we become careful and conscious of who we become, appreciate the details of our journeys /processes, as well as experience God ; discoveringand fulfilling purpose will become truly rewarding.

We Can...Cos We Have

Some weeks back, my sister (an upcoming International Image Consultant) facilitated a session with the family. It was one of the outcomes of her recent training in the career she has become so passionate about. It entailed us writing a few points on the areas we felt positively about every other person present at the table. So as to maximize time, we were limited to 3 points per person and had to conclude within a limited time. Afterwards, with a focus on each person, we were to share one by one, these areas we had noted, whilst addressing the person directly. Thereafter the person would respond to all that had been said or shared about him or her.

I must confess this session didn’t only leave us feeling good about ourselves with those encouraging words we heard, we were also a little shocked as we discovered abilities we probably hadn’t thought much of that we possessed. Even though I have been in sessions like this prior to this time, this one gave me the opportunity to hear some wonderful things about me again, and it was somewhat different because it was coming from family.

A precious part to this meeting was that each of us acquired reinforced knowledge of where we were good at, we were reminded of those things we do so naturally, with little or no effort…our areas of strength. I was then motivated to ponder more along this line, and also to continue reading a book my unit in my local church recommended for new intakes – Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath. My ponderings still continue, but I would like to share my thoughts so far, some discoveries, some reminders, though it may take me more than this article to do so.

We are not in a position in which we have nothing to work with. We already have capacities, talents, direction, missions and callings. Abraham H. Maslow

In a world like ours where expertise, specialties and achievements are celebrated, the tendency is for us to assume only a few are blessed or endowed with (special) abilities. This few being those in the limelight. We are inclined to belittle any skill that seems less than the ‘acceptable/celebrated standard’. Sometimes it’s just our orientation of what we consider as a potential - that ability that could eventually distinguish someone. For instance a long time ago, being able to kick a ball was just a form of play, it wasn’t perceived by many as any “special ability”. Today it is seen differently, it is a likely money-spinner.

Let’s be comforted knowing this, no one exists without a special “something” in and to them. WE ALL HAVE STRENGTHS - inherent giftings or potentials. Each of us has at least one natural, special ability. We all have something we came to the world with, that differentiates us, something we can use for good. It could be skill tied or relationship based, it could be mental or even physical. More often than not, we won’t have or express the same abilities in the same manner or degree. So it doesn’t matter what others have perceived about you or what you have probably thought of yourself before now, everybody has something to offer, a part to play in the whole circle of life. As I meditate more on this, I remember the title of a message I heard some years ago….there’s GOLD in you.

To be continued...

The Little Growths

It has been a while indeed and I really don’t know how to make up for the months of not posting an article. My sincere apologies, as 2 major events actually led to this and it took me longer than I could have imagined getting myself together. I lost my maternal grandma, who was so special and I was ill for weeks following this. In addition, like all other posts, I didn’t want to just put anything together, I wanted to be sure what I was sharing had been a learning point for me and would be for someone else. It is therefore elating for me to have something to share finally.

Over the period of being ill and then recuperating, I had put a stop to many activities I had been involved with both at home and on the business front. I needed help to get so many things done, and would ever be grateful for those who were there all through. However at some point, I became really bothered, wondering when every single thing would come back to normal again and I would be able to do much more than before. In other words, I was kind of dissatisfied and even a little frustrated. Then I came across a verse from one of my favourite books – “He who loves money shall never have enough…” and my eyes were opened to the insatiable state we could always find ourselves.

On another hand, I pondered the patience with which the farmer awaits the germination of his sown seeds, first the blade then the ear and later the harvest; the patience with which the nursing mother watches the growth of her newborn as he learns to sit up, crawl then walk. And in addition to this the many milestones she celebrates like when the crown of the first tooth is noticed. It made me realize how easy it is to get to that point in life where we tend ignore the signs of seemingly small positive changes; and it gave me concern that we fail to acknowledge the milestones achieved on the way to fulfilling those goals we have set for ourselves.

Another verse from the same book says simply – godliness with contentment is great gain. It somewhat describes contentment as a treasure, having some form of satisfaction as a form of wealth. I have learnt in essence that, even when we achieve some things we’ve always desired to the 100% mark, we tend to shortlive the period of satisfaction because we are already focusing on the more we can still do or have.

This is not about encouraging mediocrity. It’s about coming to terms with the little growths and increase, and learning to acknowledge some, compliment some and definitely celebrate some. It is not only a differentiating attitude, it is an enriching one.

So for me, am I doing all I was doing before yet? No, but am I doing somethings now which I couldn’t do when I was really ill? Yes, and for those ones, I give myself some passmark, while still forging ahead for more. For some of us, it may be with expected changes we desire in our children/spouse or staff? Have they come to the full picture? Maybe not, but have they made some adjustments towards the change? Most likely. It could be with respect to the goals we had set at the beginning of the year. Has this goal been fully ticked off? Maybe not; Are we where we were on it at the beginning of the year? Probably not.

We should be encouraged to support these growths or changes by acknowledging or complimenting or celebrating them…for those feelings of satisfaction/contentment in little levels of achievements go a long way in giving us some level of fulfillment in life.

Treasures from DLA

Sometime in March this year I was opportune to attend the Daystar Leadership Academy (DLA). It was the Basic Leadership Class. I had a fulfilling experience I must confess. Firstly, I had always wanted to do this, so having it ticked off my goal list was very satisfying and secondly because of the knowledge gained and the enriching networking opportunities.

As fulfilling as it was, it was a stretch program. There were rules to be followed, tests to be written and most especially mindsets to be changed. It took me incorporating early attendance (which was mandatory) with my regular morning school runs. We were taken on courses like Personal Transformation, Success Habits, Excellence Oriented Organization, Organisational Growth, Project Management, Systems Development, Family Success, Delegation Strategies amongst others.

An article on FOOTSTEPS would not be adequate to do justice to all I’ve learnt, but I would share some key ones in this post. I also encourage as many as can attend this Leadership/Management Program to do as well or any other recommended ones. If not for the certificate, it would be an opportunity to gather so much knowledge in a short time on leading people or an organization.

The first lesson that dawned on me at the beginning of the program was the essence of leadership. I learnt that there are many misconceptions about it which has somewhat resulted in the abuse of it over time and in many settings, from homes to organizations and the government.

It is not about titles, but about the tasks performed
It is not about status, but about service
It is not about consumption, but about contribution
It is not about cohesion, but ensuring cooperation
It is not about intimidation, but about inspiration
It is not about manipulation, but about motivation
It is not about lording over people, but loving people
It is not about being a celebrity, but a role of responsibility

In other words, if you are performing relevant/key tasks, serving sincerely, contributing valuably, enhancing cooperation in a team and inspiring or motivating some person other than yourself, if you never knew it before, you have been leading. I for one, used to think (while I worked) that since the organization’s organogram didn’t place me in a “specific - titled” role, then I wasn’t being challenged to develop my leadership potentials and couldn’t give so much as a leader. However, I discovered that in the capacity with which I had somewhat influenced individuals, junior colleagues, peers and teams towards the achievement of a goal, I had served as a leader.

Another lesson I took away from the program, is that SUCCESS IS WHO YOU ARE. In essence, your nature determines the success that can be achieved. It is not merely in the doing but in being. That is why sometimes we see some people whose status or achievement we covet, and the first thing we try to do to succeed like they have is just copy exactly what they do. This often leads to frustration in the long term because we are somewhat working against our nature.

To do something you have never done before, you must become someone you have never being before. The first point of call is changing or developing your person, and then the doing will automatically follow. More often than not, your person is tied to your mindsets; for the journey from grass to grace is an Internal Trip. The challenge here is to so work on your inside, challenge and correct those wrong or limiting mindsets, discover truths, develop your mind, that your outside would be struggling to catch up with it. Even if the outside isn’t changing in the short term, in good time, it will align.

The last but definitely not the least of all my take-aways is the bit on Self Improvement under the Success Habit Course. I am a freak, fanatic, stickler (what other vocabulary is there?) for personal development. I believe in becoming a better you and not settling for the status quo, challenging yourself continually. So it was quite interesting to learn more on this. One of the major activities on self improvement is reading /studying. Earl Nightingale said many years ago that “one hour per day of study in your chosen field was all it takes. One hour per day of study will put you at the top of your field within three years. Within five years you’ll be a national authority. In seven years, you can be one of the best people in the world at what you do”. The tasks with this are to identify that area you want to be good at and then develop the staying power to keep at it. I study an average of 7hours/week now, but on different interests. However, I intend to pick my area of passion and make sure, I top up on it regularly.

On a final note, to gather information is great, but to do with what-you-know is greater. I have tried to instill a practice of noting down action points from every book I read and training program I attend. The fewer they are the better and with deadlines. That way I can experience immediate value from a learning. I encourage you on this, as well as the pearls I have shared. On our own we may not be able, but definitely with God we can.

Birthday Blues

Maybe it wasn’t so bad leaving this month’s post till today. It’s my birthday today and also another anniversary for FOOTSTEPS. As I meditated this morning, and also thought through on the article to post, it became clearer what I’d be sharing on.

Days like this are one of those I look forward to in the year, like Christmas, New Year’s Day and even birthdays of loved ones. I don’t really know why, but it gets me usually excited as the day approaches, just knowing it’s not just like another day. It’s my birthday! Knowing some years ago, my mum pushed in some hospital in Lagos and voila, a baby girl (me) became a special part of their lives and the world. And for many who know me, I do not take the day for granted.

Aside knowing it’s my day to receive a lot of calls, messages, prayers, cards/gifts; it’s also like a significant beginning for me, just like the start of a new calendar year. As businesses do at the end of their financial year end into another, I use the period to review my progress since the last birthday and plan against the next. I basically reflect on my life so far, with a major focus on my walk with God, my achievements, the lives I have influenced, where I have done well and areas for improvement.

When I clocked 30 a few years ago, I was overwhelmed during my reflections about not having done so much per se. I felt I’d not maximized a lot of potentials or given as much as I could have. I kept pondering on that one thing I existed for. Those mediations led me to doing some things and making a number of changes I’ve made in the recent times. As I look back now and look forward more, I know I’m getting there by God’s help, to become all He has intended. What is life after all, if those potentials remain untapped?

So as usual, earlier in the week I took time to take stock, and I’m also anticipating certain new things. My hopes are high, and I’m dreaming more. Before the week runs out I should have a longer list of “…in my lifetime”. It’s a list of 50-100 items that will contain, “what I want to be”, “what I want to do” and “what I want to have”, all in my lifetime. I’ll encourage you on this too, the list just does something to you when you write and when you review. I wrote some like 3 years back and on review a few weeks ago with my husband; I was shocked but pleased to know a number had been achieved.

Your birthday may not be such a different day to you, it may have passed, it may be later in the year…but I beseech you, it’s a day worth reflecting, it’s a day worth rejoicing over, for one thing, you’re alive and so you can hope for the best and like me, you can dream.

Some Like it Hot...

Pease porridge hot, pease porridge cold,
Pease porridge in the pot nine days old
Some like it hot, some like it cold
Some like it in the pot, nine days old

Though I had learnt this nursery rhyme way back in my elementary days, little did I appreciate its depth and reality. A recent happening left me with a lesson that brought back strongly the essence of the rhyme.

I’ve already shared this personally with so many but more assuredly, I will hold on dearly to this in my career as an Entrepreneur. Truth is, long before I took off on this journey, I’d learnt that businesses must focus on identifying and meeting needs. It’s about providing solutions to certain issues of the clients or customers. However, I have discovered even another dimension to meeting a need.

Couture is my first line of business at the moment. I’ve not kicked off fully yet since I’m still putting a few things in place and rounding off at the fashion school. All the same, after over 10 weeks we have mastered certain basics of dress making and started making some wears. I decided on starting with complimentary jobs, a good opportunity to introduce myself in the market place. I took this one job from a good friend, and went ahead to execute with what I look back in retrospect as a little understanding of her preferences. The job came out well; truthfully many saw it and commended my efforts. I put in a lot of hours to add creativity here and there. It was one of my first jobs for heaven’s sake; I couldn’t afford to make it simple. Lo and behold, I took it for fitting and despite encouragements that I’d done well on a number of notes, she said – “the style is not me”. And then it dawned on me, nothing satisfies a customer like the exact blueprint of their expectations.

This other dimension to meeting a need is in ensuring one knows the details in full of what the customer needs and wants. It’s about reading in between the lines when they are giving their briefs. It’s about asking; asking and asking….just know that client. It goes beyond the efforts you put in, the time you’ve sacrificed, the funds you’ve expended, all would be like nothing if the other party involved isn’t fully satisfied. So now, more than anything, I’m asking and learning about my client.

While sharing this experience with some loved ones, another perspective surfaced. The same lesson applies in the other relationships like in families, and with friends. We tend to give what we feel would be appreciated because that is probably what we may want if we were in the shoes. So a woman is giving her husband a big card that sings because she really appreciates it, but he doesn’t even like cards in the first place.

We would do our relationships and businesses good if we go this extra mile to research, discover, learn what exactly we must do, how we must do, when we need to do while providing solutions. Honestly, those experiences of spot-on-execution never leave us; they enhance relationships, boost our morale from positive feedback and increase our network base through referrals.

Leave your own personal preferences and know the category your customer, client, loved one belongs…for in actual fact, some like it hot, some like it cold, some like it old and some don’t even like it.

Think Global, Be Global

It’s another year end, just less than 2 weeks to a new one. And this is wishing everyone great compliments of the season. I know it’s been an eventful year for all with its ups and downs, the high times and the low, but I know more assuredly that it has endowed us all with lessons and discoveries like no other year. Let me use this opportunity to ask any who is willing to share any of theirs to please send me a mail (bukolaogunfayo@gmail.com) and we can have others read and keep to guide and to encourage.

It is a good time in the year to reflect, to review goals, especially in anticipation of other opportunities in the New Year. It is an appropriate time to be grateful too, thankful to the One beyond man who has kept and preserved. I’m sure if we think well, we’ll have a number of things to give thanks for, starting with the gift of life.

For me, 2010 has been quite eventful. For instance, I was able to share regularly on FOOTSTEPS (this means a lot to me), I took a bow to paid employment, I got certified & inducted as an HR Professional and on another extreme, took on a skill in fashion. I can imagine what awaits me in 2011. However, I’m going to take my plans from a different angle this time around, which I believe some would need as well.

Sometime in November, I attended a conference in Lagos. I am very keen on personal development; in fact, I do plan to contribute significantly to the Education Sector sometime in the nearest future, which is what drove me to sit at the Syndicate session on Education. Amongst other things shared, one thing I took away from this meeting was a comment by the Speaker – Mrs. Susan Oyemade, “…you have to be a global teacher, you have to be a global pupil, you have to be a global housewife...” In other words, whatever you have decided to pursue, you need to do it with the world at large in mind, you need to think beyond the local environment, and you need to set a global standard (“world-class, as used in many circles) for yourself.

For a teacher, that’s an easy one. The delivery styles and the contents of the course material for instance need to be worked on, but one would wonder, how can a housewife be global? Well, what recipes is she working on in her food lab (kitchen), the same old ones with the same styles and the same ingredients? What looks does she have on the few times she’s out of the house for a school function or an outing with her husband? While one ponders on this, one has to agree there is room for everyone to think global and to be global.

As we come to another season where we strategize for another year of our lives, we need to ask ourselves what our peers on the global scene are doing better. What are they using to make their work different that we can acquire; what skill have they gained that we can learn, who have they connected with to help them be all they are now, that we need to consider networking with as well (for this we could get their peers in our vicinity). Whichever way, something new and/or something different needs to be worked into our norm to position us globally.

A few, may just actually be ahead of their peers globally already. In Performance Management we refer to them as operating on the Exceed Expectation rating. These ones need to up the stakes, look at their superiors, whose standard they now need to work towards.

I don’t know what we all may have in mind for 2011, but as I challenge myself, I leave this challenge with you, position yourself to become GLOBAL.

Stretch

Saturday 30^th October, 2010 - Up by 2 am, worked in the studio till about 7am when I took a break for breakfast and a nap before getting into the regular Saturday routine.

Sunday 31^st October 2010 - Up by 5am, worked in the studio till about 9am then I took a break to get ready for Church with the family and the rest of the regular Sunday schedule.

Monday 1^st November 2010 – Up by 1am, worked till 4am, took a short nap before starting the week.

And on and on, a peep into my diary in recent times. Even today, I worked from 3am till day break. Stretching, to meet deadline, to perfect my skill, to be better at what I do.

Thinking back though, for the first few weeks after leaving paid employment, I felt one of the things I needed to enjoy was a little more rest, like a nap in the afternoon or longer hours at night. But then I pondered on the routine of some popular/successful people.

Tiger woods

6:00 Weight workout (90 minutes)

7:30 Breakfast ; 8:00 Practice tee (2 hours); 10:00 Putting green

10:30 Play 9 holes; 12:00 Lunch; 1:00 Practice tee (2 hours)

3:00 Short game work; 4:00 Play 9 holes; 5:00 Putting green

5:30 Home

Even though he has played since he was two years old and has a very unique gift for the sport of golf, Tiger focuses on a detailed (and deliberate) practice routine each and every day. Deliberate practice makes Tiger a great golfer. (CrossHairs Trader)

Martha Stewart

Martha Stewart rises before the sun, well-rested and ultra-perky at 3:30 am. But, the fact is that no one has ever seen Martha Stewart sleep ... (Martha Stewart Everyway)

President Obama

He reads several papers, eats breakfast with his family and helps pack his daughters, Malia, 10, and Sasha, 7, off to school before making the 30-second commute downstairs — a definite perk for a man trying to balance work and family life. He eats dinner with his family, then often returns to work; aides have seen him in the Oval Office as late as 10 p.m., reading briefing papers for the next day. (New York Times, January 2009)

John Grisham

When he first started writing, Grisham says, he had "these little rituals that were silly and brutal but very important."

"The alarm clock would go off at 5, and I'd jump in the shower. My office was 5 minutes away. And I had to be at my desk, at my office, with the first cup of coffee, a legal pad and write the first word at 5:30, five days a week."

His goal: to write a page every day. Sometimes that would take 10 minutes, sometimes an hour; ofttimes he would write for two hours before he had to turn to his job as a lawyer, which he never especially enjoyed. In the Mississippi Legislature, there were "enormous amounts of wasted time" that would give him the opportunity to write.

"So I was very disciplined about it," he says… (San Francisco Chronicle, Februay 2008)

What we see usually is the result of their stretches. I have learnt that what got them there and keeps them there is a lifestyle of consistency in giving more than what is common.

It didn’t take time for it to dawn on me that, if I also wanted to be different, then I couldn’t continue to do what the regular person did. I needed to stretch. Truth is, I need to put in extra to get into the extra-ordinary. I would only get out of life what others who sleep and wake at the common time get.

How spot on the words of this quote – The Heights by great men reached and kept were not attained in a sudden flight, but they while their companions slept, were toiling upwards in the night - It regularly filled my mind when I was tempted to become laissez faire with my routine.

So now I stretch. For others it may take another format, but definitely to master that skill or ability, you need to give it more- maybe time, maybe attention. You may need to study more, make more cold calls for that sale or even practice more.

Looking t the end goal usually helps to stay on track with stretching. Even the Bible says…for the joy set before Him, He endured the cross (referring to Jesus Christ).

Remember you can’t get what others are not getting if you give just what they are giving. Keep that target in mind, then ssstttrrreeetttccchhh.

When Pain is Good

Relationships are a good part of the human existence. In fact, I’m not sure how one could live without relating with another person. An old song even goes thus – “No man is an island…” For me, one thing I thrive on in my relationships is the learning opportunity. And one person I always enjoy learning from is my best friend and hubby. The thoughts on this post started with something I took away from one of our “gist-times” recently but was further confirmed by another health incident, this time with my daughter.

During this time together, I learnt – there are times when Pain is good. Then he explained that for instance if I was cutting an orange and the knife happened to cut my finger, if not for the pain I would have felt instantly, I probably would have finished cutting off my finger before I knew it. Or if there was a shootout somewhere and a man happened to walk into it, the pain of a bullet hitting him makes him see the urgency in getting help quickly or he would just bleed to death.

This health incidence with my daughter is somewhat related to one I shared about my son in a previous post – Fix It Early. So I am glad we reacted earlier this time. My older child, being more mature is now able to express herself better. For a little while, she had been complaining about her tummy aching her. Initially, I felt she was just giving some little excuse not to finish her meals or the likes, but when it seemed to continue, I knew whatever it was had to be fixed early. The blood test at the hospital showed she had been infected with malaria, and this was without all the more popular symptoms. For me, that “Mummy, my tummy is paining me…” was a good alert to a full blown illness which might have led to an admission.

Pain however is not always physical. In fact, sometimes it comes more subtle in the form of a discomfort, maybe increasing heat in a room as against it be cool. Sometimes it could be more serious, like the feeling of bondage or oppression which makes us realize we must seek freedom. This I believe led our leaders 50 years ago to fight for the independence of our beloved country NIGERIA. When it comes this way, pain allows us know something is not right and has to be changed or has to be fixed.

Another instance though, of when pain is good, is when we are undergoing change. At this time, we are breaking away from what we have been used to, and coming into the new. An expectant mother in her 1st trimester sometimes goes through some pain as her body adjusts to the new being. She also goes through pain at the point of delivery, but it is good, it leads to a new life. An addict in rehab, goes through physical and psychological pain when being taken off his addiction, but it is good, it leads him to a better life. Pain is good at times like these, but must be endured, must be tolerated for the reward that it eventually brings.

The challenge is in knowing what the pain is tied to, so as to keep it good. I therefore encourage, don’t take pain/discomfort for granted when you feel it. Whether physical, emotional, or psychological, it may mean you need to give something in your life more attention so it doesn’t get worse. On another hand, it may be telling you, endure for a little while longer, some good change is about to come.

An Enabling Environment

I was opportune to revise with my daughter for her end of year’s exams sometime last month. One of the subjects for her class, General Knowledge covered a bit on Agriculture basics – types of soil. We studied the 3 major types (Clayey, Loamy and Sandy) and their uses. Just like most of us were taught way-back then, Loamy is the preferred for planting. It’s not that the others can’t allow for some form of growth, but definitely not anything good compared with what the loamy would do.

In the same month, there was an e-mail forward I came across, about a Nigerian family in Britain who had kids that were performing outstandingly beyond what their ages could ordinarily accomplish in academics. My colleagues and I discussed this seemingly chance happening but the consensus was that their being in Britain, in such schools and with such tutors, brought out the best in them.

These facts buttressed a learning - We thrive best in an enabling environment. Our potentials, our dreams, our plans are actualized best when we are located in an enabling environment; like a plant in the appropriate soil. A common saying I used to know goes like this – Apple trees don’t grow in Lagos. That means, there is place for everyone to come out in full bloom. My take on this is this - make sure you are located in your soil (your enabling environment).

However, beyond the physical environment, there is the mind-environment and association-environment. These as well must be supportive. To a great extent we even have better influence on them than even the physical. We can choose what goes on in our mind by what we feed it with and what people influence us by the choice of our confidants and friends.

A challenge then, could be in knowing when we are not in an environment that would be supportive to our potentials/dreams/aspirations. Also, when we are not and cannot move for some reasons, what we need to do.

In more advanced agriculture, each type of soil still has further classifications. Good farmers know which of these would give the best harvest for each crop. But first, they must know which crop they intend to cultivate. Same with us, the crop could be our dream, our plan or our potential. A previous article (Be Better, Know your SWOT -

www.folafayo.blogspot.com ) encourages us to know our strengths, for therein lies our potentials. When we know our crop, it would be easy to tell if the soil would aid growth and productivity. If I dream to be an Olympics medalist in swimming, and there is no pool within my reach, that dream is likely to remain a dream. It’s either I travel regularly to where one is or I re-locate close to one. My challenge on this is for you to note your plans, begin to dream, discover your potential, then you can tell if where you are would help actualize them. If your environment won’t be enabling, then move.

There may be instances when we feel the timing or some other reasons won’t allow us move to our preferred physical environment. What do we do while we wait? We must keep our mind and association environment in top gear. In other words, these two must be “fertilizing” to our plans, dreams or potentials. Just like some fertilizers can be used to enhance the ability of the soil when not good enough.

The state of your mind must become conditioned to bring you to thrive. You need to feed it with information that would motivate and inspire. You can learn to shut out negatives by focusing more on what is positive and what you desire to be. For associations, we need to minimize interactions with those who put us down, who laugh at our dreams and spend more time with those of like minds, those who make us think beyond where we are to what we can become.

We need to get the environment right (mind and association included) to keep energies up, passions alive, focus strong, till we come to full bloom and achieve.

Be better, know your SWOT

Over time, I’ve come to identify a passion for continuous development. I believe what makes you different now from how you were a while ago is how much and how well you have grown. I like to assess myself and those around me to ascertain if growth has occurred. For those who know me personally, I tend to challenge the status quo now and then… asking, can it be better? How else can it be done?

A few years back, I discovered the S.W.O.T analysis is not only meant for businesses. For continual and personal development, it’s an exercise we need to carry out periodically. It would help us appreciate our growth and strategize for further growth, in addition to increasing productivity.

S.W.O.T (for those not familiar with it) is the acronym for Strength, Weakness, Opportunities and Threats. In carrying out the analysis therefore, we assess ourselves on what we are good at, what we aren’t so good at (or not good at) and what is available to make us better or posing as a danger in our lives.

Due to our backgrounds, experiences, exposures and of course personalities, we have developed certain abilities that come naturally and easy to perform. Some can make something out of nothing, some can create a beauty out of a beast, some can sell an AC unit to an Eskimo, some can remember details or even memorize a 15-digit number. However strengths don’t have to be those genius-kind-of abilities alone, it could even be as simple as being able to cheer up someone (which I don’t think is simple anyway). The challenge is to appreciate the strength and keep it consistent.

Just as strengths come easy, so do weaknesses. In fact we tend to struggle more with weaknesses. Uncontrollable emotions, indiscipline (with self and resources) and many more are things we need to know early enough and begin to work on so it doesn’t deter our progress or even affect any aspect of our lives. I’ve started to use the term “gap” instead as it simply makes me know these are things that must be closed or resolved or brought to the barest minimum for my good and others as well.

While pondering over the SWOT, I’ve learnt that we can only know Opportunities and Threats when we have set certain goals and aspirations for ourselves. So for instance, if my plan is to become the head of a department in a particular function and I know I need some experience in a unit in the department, a vacancy in that unit for my level of skill is an Opportunity. On the other hand, if I discover the organization is making plans to restructure in such a way as to move me to a different role and department, to my career goal, that becomes a Threat.

Some threats however don’t always come looking negative, however when compared with our ultimate goal it becomes clear it would only serve to deter. There is therefore nothing as good as being able to identify an opportunity when it comes especially when one is prepared for it and keys into it. Same thing for being able to spot a threat on time, strategize and quickly deal with it.

A good way to get to know your strengths and weaknesses is with sincere feedback from those around you. I got a book recently and passed it round some friends to help me by asking them to state what I need to be consistent in and what gaps I need to close. On the opportunities and threats, I am constantly reviewing my goals, so it’s engraved in my sub-conscious and can set off alarms for both when they occur. I therefore encourage – know your SWOT, to grow, to be better or to be a step ahead.