Monthly BroadCast 2015 (Last Quarter)

October 2015

There's this story I've known for a while. 2 men who had the opportunity to build a house. 

One built his on a rock, and the other on sand. Sure enough, the rains & storms came. The rock house remained. It withstood the force and pressure because it had a strong foundation. But not the house on the sand, with an unstable one.

Everyday we are building. Our faith, our relationships, our parenting, our health, our career & our future. But on what foundation?

Any unstable foundation must be changed. It's never too late to rebuild, and to build right. Tough times will come, but that sure foundation will sustain.

Be blessed
Fondly by @Folafayo

November 2015

On one hand, education adds knowledge and on another, it equips with the ability to learn even more.

But then outside the 'walls' of a school it is also important to keep learning - new things and new ways especially in areas that matter so much to us.

If you aren't yet taking time to learn more about that career, that relationship, parenting/raising kids or even keeping fit/healthy, then probably it's really not that high on your priority list.

'Now' is a always a good time to pick that book, search for an article, attend a training, speak to an expert, listen to a podcast, join a relevant group/community... to get a reboost and step up your confidence level. Just keep learning because it will help you be better and do better

Have a blessed November
Fondly by @FolaFayo

December 2015  

What will differentiate you now from who you'll be this time next year will include the dreams you have & the goals you set now.

"If you could see yourself in terms of your true potential, you wouldn't recognize yourself" - JC Maxwell

As 2015 gradually takes a bow, I'd like to leave you with these -

*Go over your goals/dreams list for this year (some achievements and some outstandings may surprise you)
*Start preparing your goal/dream list for the new year
*As an idea comes to mind, even if it seems challenging, note it down somewhere (e.g. On your phone)
*As much as possible, include an image to those points (images are stronger than words)
*And start praying about it (Because you'll always require supernatural help). 

On behalf of myself and my family, here's wishing you a wonderful Christmas and a fantastic 2016 in advance.

Fondly
@FolaFayo

Even Cinderella Had Till Midnight

I’m sure many would understand what it is like to get an inspiration on something to share, but never really get around doing it. That is the case with this post. As time passed I’ve also had different ideas on how to title it, from ‘Yes the grass may just be greener on the other side, but the owner of the field probably has blisters’ to ‘It’s not going to come or stay that easy’. Finally I decided on this perhaps because it’s the most recent.

 

For all who recall the famous Cinderalla story, her wishes did come true (courtesy of her fairy godmother) but then could only hold till Midnight. ‘Cos in reality, wishes are limited. They could set us off on the course but we have more to do in reality. And this actually is the message I’ve carried in my mind for so long, with too many incidents hitting it home over and over again.

 

Life allows us very often the occasion to compare. To look over the fence and often just wish for the results and accomplishments of others, but very rarely the efforts that have been put in. It’s about time we go beyond that, and consciously move to being deliberate and purposeful about what we truly wouldn’t mind, what we really want in every area of life.

 

No relationship for example would blossom without being cared for. Be it with family, friends, colleagues or even God. It’s easy to watch others and desire the intimacy/rapport we see. But it wasn’t automatic for them. Choices were made, actions were deliberately taken that is why they enjoy what they have. Are you willing to be humble, to compromise for fairness, to serve, to give (hugs, kisses, time, encouragement and support or gifts), forgive offenses and even to pray? Are you ready to show courtesy, saying ‘please’, ‘thank you’ and ‘I’m sorry’ at the right time and in the right way? So if you are fortunate to be married to a rare gem, you’ll need to brace yourself up more consciously for that gem to remain rare, even to you.

 

That child of yours is not going to be a believer in your faith, ideals and values just because you are. You need to make sure you walk the talk, in addition to teaching because that’s what kids know best. No school is going to make a genius out of your child (academically or in extra-curricular). Look out for the “outliers” in your child’s school, there’s definitely something different the folks are doing. What have you observed in your child? What have you done so far? Are you ready to motivate, encourage or pay an expert to coach to help him be the best he can be?

 

Yes you graduated the same year as that friend of yours. Probably you even got your great job months before he got his. How come he rarely complains of needing funds for personal things, he even just invested in another income generating opportunity. And he also gets to go on vacations to take a break now and then. Yet you don’t understand how your take home isn’t actually taking you home. You shouldn’t be wondering, instead ask questions, read books (e.g. the Richest man in Babylon, simple and practicable), make a plan, if possible get someone you can be accountable to, note your expenses and review it, save something as often as you can, invest in other streams of income…it won’t be easy but your grass will get greener.

 

The same applies to your health. How careful are you about what and when you eat? Don’t just sign up at that gym, get started. What of that skill/knowledge you gained a while back? It will only remain unproductive as long as you don’t upgrade or creatively apply it, even if voluntarily.

 

In all honesty, it’s difficult to push though on anything that doesn’t even mean anything to us. It’s tough to consciously study and learn about what we don’t value. Perhaps it’s a re-orientation that is required, to begin to value, and stop taking casually those things that really matter. But if for any reason, that relationship means the world to you, if your health should tell a different story in your lineage, if your child is indeed your treasure… by all means, go beyond wishing, become deliberate, even get the blisters because the sun and the rain would come and they will help guarantee the greenness of your field.

Birthday Blues

Maybe it wasn’t so bad leaving this month’s post till today. It’s my birthday today and also another anniversary for FOOTSTEPS. As I meditated this morning, and also thought through on the article to post, it became clearer what I’d be sharing on.

Days like this are one of those I look forward to in the year, like Christmas, New Year’s Day and even birthdays of loved ones. I don’t really know why, but it gets me usually excited as the day approaches, just knowing it’s not just like another day. It’s my birthday! Knowing some years ago, my mum pushed in some hospital in Lagos and voila, a baby girl (me) became a special part of their lives and the world. And for many who know me, I do not take the day for granted.

Aside knowing it’s my day to receive a lot of calls, messages, prayers, cards/gifts; it’s also like a significant beginning for me, just like the start of a new calendar year. As businesses do at the end of their financial year end into another, I use the period to review my progress since the last birthday and plan against the next. I basically reflect on my life so far, with a major focus on my walk with God, my achievements, the lives I have influenced, where I have done well and areas for improvement.

When I clocked 30 a few years ago, I was overwhelmed during my reflections about not having done so much per se. I felt I’d not maximized a lot of potentials or given as much as I could have. I kept pondering on that one thing I existed for. Those mediations led me to doing some things and making a number of changes I’ve made in the recent times. As I look back now and look forward more, I know I’m getting there by God’s help, to become all He has intended. What is life after all, if those potentials remain untapped?

So as usual, earlier in the week I took time to take stock, and I’m also anticipating certain new things. My hopes are high, and I’m dreaming more. Before the week runs out I should have a longer list of “…in my lifetime”. It’s a list of 50-100 items that will contain, “what I want to be”, “what I want to do” and “what I want to have”, all in my lifetime. I’ll encourage you on this too, the list just does something to you when you write and when you review. I wrote some like 3 years back and on review a few weeks ago with my husband; I was shocked but pleased to know a number had been achieved.

Your birthday may not be such a different day to you, it may have passed, it may be later in the year…but I beseech you, it’s a day worth reflecting, it’s a day worth rejoicing over, for one thing, you’re alive and so you can hope for the best and like me, you can dream.

Not By Chance

It is another election season in Nigeria, and batons will change hands afterward. Many are trying to position themselves or their own to take an office, from the Local Government to the Presidency. Parties are strategizing, meetings are being held, money is being raised and spent on campaigns, and activities are gathering momentum for the final lap in this race. The point where every eligible man will cast his vote according to his conviction, whether based on information and understanding or coercion, men will vote and the winners will be declared, sworn in for another season of service. Well for me, I see it as service, though I know many aren’t aware that leadership is really about this.

One interesting part of this current period for me has been the debates. I was present at one, and I have watched a few as well. It has to some extent brought up revelations about the candidates from levels of competence to extent of preparedness in taking the office they are vying for, from temperaments to their thoughts on issue resolution. One of those debates which I am yet to watch though is the Youth Representative debate. It was interesting when I learnt about this, particularly because I knew 2 of the participants who would be representing different parties.

I wasn’t surprised about Adeolu Akinyemi because I’m a little privy to his political affiliation and commitments. However, my initial feeling on Uche Chuta was of shock. I kept saying I know this guy, I know this guy… but is he politically inclined? And then a memory flashed back as the thought stayed with me, it was a confirmation of how our yesterday has an impact on today.

Way back in our elementary days we were all pals, as we lived in the same company estate though we attended different schools. So when some of us represented our schools at different times in the regular inter-school debate on national television, it was easy to note one another. I recall Uche was one of his school's representatives at a debate.Thinking through Uche participating in this current debate, though we had lost touch since we all moved and I didn’t know what he was up to, I settled to the fact that the debate of yesterday was not by chance.

When we look at our lives now and reminisce on our yesterday, to a large extent we’ll all be able to match certain decisions we made and events that occurred then to others that have shown up in our today. For example I had had an ambition to be a fashion designer and used to make lots of sketches as a kid. This wasn’t particularly nurtured as I grew up so it went to sleep, as I took on Architecture then Human Resources but it has however re-surfaced, as couture is one of the services I offer now.

The truth is, these seeming awakenings or repetitions are also not by chance. Somehow those of the past, though they appeared to have occurred randomly, revealed our abilities or prepared us for now. They were yesterday’s seeds whose fruit we now see. The learning point however is that, we can also tie our today to our tomorrow. We can to a good extent determine or predict tomorrow’s fruit by the seed we sow now, the decisions we make now, the exposure we get, the trainings we give ourselves, the relationships we keep, the way we manage our finance and of course what we say “yes” or “no” to.

If we have an idea of what we would like for the future we need to work back from tomorrow and live today more consciously. I will….will you?

Everyman a War, Everyman a Dream

It's been only a few weeks since I resigned. And one of those things that categorize an exit now (especially when voluntary), is the mail composed and sent to one’s colleagues and friends, of the intending change with some encouragement or the other. Before mine, I had also got a number from those leaving to continue their studies, re-locating or getting a career change. One of such mails I would never forget was from a team member, whose had this – “… for every man is fighting his own war”.

In her mail, she was referring to the fact that we have to be more understanding of the seeming misbehaviours of others, as we need to keep in mind that such reactions are due to one reason or the other. Over time, I have come to somewhat agree with this. I have learnt that on a good day, most people want to do good. They want to be perceived as nice and friendly, easy-going, understanding…and all those other good qualities. However, some challenges (in and around) faced may not allow them be. I wouldn’t want to go the route of how we need to mature beyond the pressures we face to maintain our cool in this article, as I can imagine many may be thinking now.

However the truth is, many haven’t. Many may never get mature to the point of knowing how to keep challenges personal; and for them what do we do? For instance, I get to a supermarket in a happy mood, peaceful about a lot of things and mistakenly moving into the queue space of another lady who left a cranky baby in her car…I mean, even if she isn’t the vocal type….I would definitely get the look of my life. But then, she is only fighting her war. Sometimes I may just be doing this at the end of a string of “battles” and it’ll go beyond the look to a shove… because sincerely, she would have had it.

I have learnt therefore, that since I wouldn’t get any explanation from everybody for the battle they are in – losing a job/contract, being late for an important interview, a broken relationship, a sick loved-one, even a stain on a favourite dress - every misbehavior I get is mostly because of some challenge being faced. And for good, I need to be a war-hero by helping to win the war or at the least not start another.

On another note, I watched a documentary recently on Nigeria. Sad one I must confess. A dump-sorter being interviewed at some point referred to his daughter as a future Miss Universe. Sincerely I was wowed. I mean, he wasn’t concerned about the fact that they lived in a shack or that he made his daily living from the neighbourhood dump. This man had a dream that such a wonderful experience would come the way of his offspring. Then I discovered again…every man does have a dream. A dream to be more, to do more or to have more.

Once again, let’s not go into the issue of some dreams being unrealistic. Truth is, we have regarded some dreams as unrealistic and they have become reality. Who would have thought the black could be free, talk more of one being President of a country like the United States of America. Maybe I would be more akin to say a dream is bad (if it is at the expense of the good of others) than unrealistic. I’m learning now to be more careful with people, for really I’d rather be a dream-maker than a dream-killer.

My challenge on a final note is, let's be more conscious of how we handle others who have struggles (within or without), by being war-heroes. We need not add to them. Also, let’s treat the next man with care and respect, and when we can, help him achieve more by being dream-makers. Who knows what world war we could be preventing; or what other invention like electricity we could be discovering.

An Enabling Environment

I was opportune to revise with my daughter for her end of year’s exams sometime last month. One of the subjects for her class, General Knowledge covered a bit on Agriculture basics – types of soil. We studied the 3 major types (Clayey, Loamy and Sandy) and their uses. Just like most of us were taught way-back then, Loamy is the preferred for planting. It’s not that the others can’t allow for some form of growth, but definitely not anything good compared with what the loamy would do.

In the same month, there was an e-mail forward I came across, about a Nigerian family in Britain who had kids that were performing outstandingly beyond what their ages could ordinarily accomplish in academics. My colleagues and I discussed this seemingly chance happening but the consensus was that their being in Britain, in such schools and with such tutors, brought out the best in them.

These facts buttressed a learning - We thrive best in an enabling environment. Our potentials, our dreams, our plans are actualized best when we are located in an enabling environment; like a plant in the appropriate soil. A common saying I used to know goes like this – Apple trees don’t grow in Lagos. That means, there is place for everyone to come out in full bloom. My take on this is this - make sure you are located in your soil (your enabling environment).

However, beyond the physical environment, there is the mind-environment and association-environment. These as well must be supportive. To a great extent we even have better influence on them than even the physical. We can choose what goes on in our mind by what we feed it with and what people influence us by the choice of our confidants and friends.

A challenge then, could be in knowing when we are not in an environment that would be supportive to our potentials/dreams/aspirations. Also, when we are not and cannot move for some reasons, what we need to do.

In more advanced agriculture, each type of soil still has further classifications. Good farmers know which of these would give the best harvest for each crop. But first, they must know which crop they intend to cultivate. Same with us, the crop could be our dream, our plan or our potential. A previous article (Be Better, Know your SWOT -

www.folafayo.blogspot.com ) encourages us to know our strengths, for therein lies our potentials. When we know our crop, it would be easy to tell if the soil would aid growth and productivity. If I dream to be an Olympics medalist in swimming, and there is no pool within my reach, that dream is likely to remain a dream. It’s either I travel regularly to where one is or I re-locate close to one. My challenge on this is for you to note your plans, begin to dream, discover your potential, then you can tell if where you are would help actualize them. If your environment won’t be enabling, then move.

There may be instances when we feel the timing or some other reasons won’t allow us move to our preferred physical environment. What do we do while we wait? We must keep our mind and association environment in top gear. In other words, these two must be “fertilizing” to our plans, dreams or potentials. Just like some fertilizers can be used to enhance the ability of the soil when not good enough.

The state of your mind must become conditioned to bring you to thrive. You need to feed it with information that would motivate and inspire. You can learn to shut out negatives by focusing more on what is positive and what you desire to be. For associations, we need to minimize interactions with those who put us down, who laugh at our dreams and spend more time with those of like minds, those who make us think beyond where we are to what we can become.

We need to get the environment right (mind and association included) to keep energies up, passions alive, focus strong, till we come to full bloom and achieve.

What Do You See?

April is an anniversary month for me and FOOTSTEPS. I’m a year older on exactly the last day of the month and it would be about 2 years of blogging. For me, anniversaries are worthy of reflections and celebration. This is majorly because one needs to be glad to be alive to see another one, and for progress since the last one (as there should have been, even if small). So truly, I feel blessed to be adding another year to my age and this blog, to look back between now and the last, and appreciate the growth so far.

In as much as I see the need to reflect at anniversaries, it is also a good time to project to where we want to be, like organizations do at their Year End Strategy Sessions, . Lately, an old learning has been coming to mind which I believe would help with projecting at a time like this. For those of us familiar with Bible stories (I’m an ardent believer), this would be a reminder to a popular one where I would start this post from.

A man had the opportunity of turning fortune around in his favour by agreeing with his father-in-law that he’d take only the streaked of the cattle the father-in-law had after a period of time. Funny enough, at the time of this agreement, the father-in-law from all perspectives was more likely to be better off. However, this man had a strategy. He used the power of pictures on the cattle. He positioned before the cattle in their moments of heat, when they drank, “pictures of streak” from the bark of trees. So that somehow when they reproduced, though they were not streaked, they had streaks. And he made sure he did this with the stronger of the cattle, and at the end of the agreed period, the streaked outnumbered the non-streaked.

Truth is, if we look at our lives now, we are either at or close to some of the pictures of what we saw of ourselves years back in our lives. I know some may say, "well no...", but if you are far from it, then you probably didn’t make that picture strong enough on your subconscious. Somehow we attract what we are, and we gradually become what we see or believe of ourselves over time.

My take on this, is to review what exactly we see and the sources of those pictures. These pictures which we see even with closed eyes could come from what we hear/listen to, what people say to us, what we read or even what we watch. You cannot desire to have red pictures in your mind and all you overwhelm yourself with are yellow pictures. You’ll get to a place where even when you see the red, you call it yellow. So if those sources are giving wrong pictures change or correct them as the case maybe.

Secondly, get those pictures of who you want to be where you want to be or go, or what you want to do always before you. A couple-friend recently shared with us their exercise on cutting out pictures close to what they want their future to be like and pasting it on a board they would see regularly. This idea I encourage greatly, because some of us, for so long have seen the exact opposite of what we want our future to be like and we need a paradigm shift. You could even start with the screen saver on your phone or computer.

Lastly, those figures when settled strongly in our subconcious to a large extent affect the decisions we make, what we attract or what we get attracted to. Infact, at some point we begin to say so much about it that others around us can identify us with them.

In essence, we need to make sure we receive the right pictures and we need to focus on them. The reality is that, if by natural standards we wouldn’t have been able to do much of accomplishing them, we would in a future not too far from now, see ourselves having achieved much. As I look forward to these last days into my next birthday, my major goal is to seek the greatest source of my future pictures for new/clearer pictures of my life. My challenge, as you also consider projecting, is with this question…What Do You See?

After the First NOEL

While growing up, Christmas was one occasion we all looked forward to. The Christmas parties for children, the visits to Santa (locally called Father Christmas) and the open house where family and friends we hardly see in the year come around to the house. Something my siblings and I enjoyed back then were the Christmas gifts our parents got us for the season.

These gifts would have been got a little while before the day, and then wrapped and kept at the Christmas tree on Christmas eve, when we all couldn’t wait to tear off the wraps as the time clocked the 1minute into Christmas. Like every child though, we were inquisitive about what was behind the wraps and would try to use all our senses to guess the gifts before unwrapping except of course the sense of taste.

We are trying to continue with this Christmas tradition now, so we got gifts for our kids and had them wrapped. Last night my daughter (after seeing their wrapped gifts) reminded me of something else we probably did then. It was to put more value on the size of the gift. She picked the bigger gift thinking that was hers and left the smaller one to her brother.

Thinking back now and through life, I’ve discovered indeed that many times the value we put on a thing, a person or even opportunity is determined by what we see. Usually the bigger the better. Or the more beautiful or likely the better. We also do the reverse sometimes, not appreciate a thing if it doesn’t seem to fit the image we had of it. But the truth is, many have missed opportunities by not waiting long enough to see what is behind the wraps or behind the first impression.

The Christmas story did that to many too. A king was being expected; a ruler, strong and powerful. What they saw and heard about was a baby, born in a manger – I'll call it the first NOEL. What they knew was a carpenter’s son. And so it was easy to despise and not believe He was the promise come to pass. I personally believe the promised Messiah came in flesh and my life has been better off looking beyond that first NOEL, beyond the wrap of humanity He had on while on earth to the Deity He is.

My encouragement to us all this season and for life in general is to be patient and wait till after the first NOEL, to look beyond the wraps, appreciate small beginnings so we would enjoy all that we expect even if they don’t seem to look so at the first meet.

Merry Christmas everybody, and thank you for being a part of FOOTSTEPS.

Haters

A good old friend of mine (Tolu) sent me a “forward” today. I had been contemplating on what to share before she sent it in. After reading it, it was clear to me that this discovery could be shared on Footsteps as well. I actually checked up the author (Maya Angelou) through google and realized a few other blogs had posted it before now.

I’ll be going ahead, however, to post it because I appreciate it and was also so moved by the final quote. It would be good to know those haters in our lives and handle them right, and also ask ourselves if we have been subtle ones in the lives of others and work towards a change.

Haters

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is evergood enough!

When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters...That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing you blessed...

It's dangerous to be like somebody else... If God wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right?

You never know what people have gone through to get what they have...The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don't know my story...

If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can be rest assured that the water bill is higher there too! We've all got some haters among us!

Some people envy you because you can:

a) Have a relationship with God

b) Light up a room when you walk in

c) Start your own business

d) Tell a man/woman to hit the curb

(if he/she isn't about the right thing)

e) Raise your children without both parents being in the home.

Haters can't stand to see you happy. Haters will never want to see you succeed.

Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side.

How do you handle your undercover haters?

You can handle these haters by:

1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are *(VERY IMPORTANT!!)

2. Having a purpose to your life: Purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled. A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be. Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.

3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation.

Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live...when its your time to leave this earth, you want to be able to say, 'I've lived my life and fulfilled my dreams, Now I'm ready to go HOME!

When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, 'Don't look at me...Look at who is in charge of me...

'Pass this to all of your family & friends who you know are not hating on you including the person who sent it to you. If you don't get it back, maybe you called somebody out! Don't worry about it, it's not your problem, it's theirs. Just pray for them, that their life can be as fulfilled as yours! Watch out for Haters...

BUT most of all don't become a HATER!

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

Maya Angelou