Pass On The Torch

The debate went well. It was another learning opportunity. It felt good being there to see how issues were taken by the candidates. However, the events that followed as the program came to a close were the most unpredictable, unplanned, infact the very last I could ever have considered would happen to me on such a day like that.

As I moved in the throng to extend my greetings to my mum’s friend, who I had noted earlier, I felt a hand slip swiftly into my bag and out. But I knew. I knew an item had been taken and it clicked immediately that it had to be my phone. Immediately, I turned around and grabbed the hand of a man who I felt was the closest to do such and was already turning away. I accosted him, ‘you put your hand in my bag now’. Ofcourse he denied, but while I confirmed to be really sure, he had walked away. Again I followed, pushing my way through the crowd and stopped the man again (well I think it was the same person), telling him he took my phone and all, this time, this one advised me to call the line. Alas, it dawned on me, there was no way to catch the perpetrator, everyone had been advised to leave their phones on silent or vibrate during the program.

I felt really sad, confused, everything negative but tried to pray. I prayed that somehow God would order my steps, show me mercy and show me favour. My prayer was answered.

So as not to bore you with the details, I’ll make it a brief one. I got the phone back. Less than 3 hours after the incident. The lady who gave me back explained that she had picked it when it fell on her leg in the crowd. I met her at her location and she returned it without collecting a dime.

On my way back I suddenly remembered an incident that occurred some weeks back. I had erroneously got an SMS for a recharge into my network via my phone. The remitter and beneficiary had reached me immediately pleading for me to refund. I couldn’t refund directly or do anything that night but the next day I sent back the PIN for the credit of the same value (an unplanned expense though). I got thank-you messages from them afterwards, to which I had replied saying – "...that’s the way we’ve been taught of the Lord, you can pass on the good works".

Truth is, the opportunity to do the right, to do good came my way, I harnessed it and it left me feeling great. I was also a recipient of someone who chose to do right, to do good and I know I was not the only one who felt wonderful but the lady would have as well.

It’s like a torch, we need to pass it on. I can imagine a world where we are all conscious of the needs of the next person; where we make it our personal objective to keep doing the right things and being good. The opportunity is there, the feeling is rewarding and priceless; when you are a recipient, you also enjoy like I did, the wonderful feeling of receiving kindness.

I encourage you with a few lines from my High School’s anthem

…Pass on the love that can transfigure…

We forward press not backward turning,
That this our torch more brightly burning
May yet pass on and on forever….

Some Like it Hot...

Pease porridge hot, pease porridge cold,
Pease porridge in the pot nine days old
Some like it hot, some like it cold
Some like it in the pot, nine days old

Though I had learnt this nursery rhyme way back in my elementary days, little did I appreciate its depth and reality. A recent happening left me with a lesson that brought back strongly the essence of the rhyme.

I’ve already shared this personally with so many but more assuredly, I will hold on dearly to this in my career as an Entrepreneur. Truth is, long before I took off on this journey, I’d learnt that businesses must focus on identifying and meeting needs. It’s about providing solutions to certain issues of the clients or customers. However, I have discovered even another dimension to meeting a need.

Couture is my first line of business at the moment. I’ve not kicked off fully yet since I’m still putting a few things in place and rounding off at the fashion school. All the same, after over 10 weeks we have mastered certain basics of dress making and started making some wears. I decided on starting with complimentary jobs, a good opportunity to introduce myself in the market place. I took this one job from a good friend, and went ahead to execute with what I look back in retrospect as a little understanding of her preferences. The job came out well; truthfully many saw it and commended my efforts. I put in a lot of hours to add creativity here and there. It was one of my first jobs for heaven’s sake; I couldn’t afford to make it simple. Lo and behold, I took it for fitting and despite encouragements that I’d done well on a number of notes, she said – “the style is not me”. And then it dawned on me, nothing satisfies a customer like the exact blueprint of their expectations.

This other dimension to meeting a need is in ensuring one knows the details in full of what the customer needs and wants. It’s about reading in between the lines when they are giving their briefs. It’s about asking; asking and asking….just know that client. It goes beyond the efforts you put in, the time you’ve sacrificed, the funds you’ve expended, all would be like nothing if the other party involved isn’t fully satisfied. So now, more than anything, I’m asking and learning about my client.

While sharing this experience with some loved ones, another perspective surfaced. The same lesson applies in the other relationships like in families, and with friends. We tend to give what we feel would be appreciated because that is probably what we may want if we were in the shoes. So a woman is giving her husband a big card that sings because she really appreciates it, but he doesn’t even like cards in the first place.

We would do our relationships and businesses good if we go this extra mile to research, discover, learn what exactly we must do, how we must do, when we need to do while providing solutions. Honestly, those experiences of spot-on-execution never leave us; they enhance relationships, boost our morale from positive feedback and increase our network base through referrals.

Leave your own personal preferences and know the category your customer, client, loved one belongs…for in actual fact, some like it hot, some like it cold, some like it old and some don’t even like it.

Think Global, Be Global

It’s another year end, just less than 2 weeks to a new one. And this is wishing everyone great compliments of the season. I know it’s been an eventful year for all with its ups and downs, the high times and the low, but I know more assuredly that it has endowed us all with lessons and discoveries like no other year. Let me use this opportunity to ask any who is willing to share any of theirs to please send me a mail (bukolaogunfayo@gmail.com) and we can have others read and keep to guide and to encourage.

It is a good time in the year to reflect, to review goals, especially in anticipation of other opportunities in the New Year. It is an appropriate time to be grateful too, thankful to the One beyond man who has kept and preserved. I’m sure if we think well, we’ll have a number of things to give thanks for, starting with the gift of life.

For me, 2010 has been quite eventful. For instance, I was able to share regularly on FOOTSTEPS (this means a lot to me), I took a bow to paid employment, I got certified & inducted as an HR Professional and on another extreme, took on a skill in fashion. I can imagine what awaits me in 2011. However, I’m going to take my plans from a different angle this time around, which I believe some would need as well.

Sometime in November, I attended a conference in Lagos. I am very keen on personal development; in fact, I do plan to contribute significantly to the Education Sector sometime in the nearest future, which is what drove me to sit at the Syndicate session on Education. Amongst other things shared, one thing I took away from this meeting was a comment by the Speaker – Mrs. Susan Oyemade, “…you have to be a global teacher, you have to be a global pupil, you have to be a global housewife...” In other words, whatever you have decided to pursue, you need to do it with the world at large in mind, you need to think beyond the local environment, and you need to set a global standard (“world-class, as used in many circles) for yourself.

For a teacher, that’s an easy one. The delivery styles and the contents of the course material for instance need to be worked on, but one would wonder, how can a housewife be global? Well, what recipes is she working on in her food lab (kitchen), the same old ones with the same styles and the same ingredients? What looks does she have on the few times she’s out of the house for a school function or an outing with her husband? While one ponders on this, one has to agree there is room for everyone to think global and to be global.

As we come to another season where we strategize for another year of our lives, we need to ask ourselves what our peers on the global scene are doing better. What are they using to make their work different that we can acquire; what skill have they gained that we can learn, who have they connected with to help them be all they are now, that we need to consider networking with as well (for this we could get their peers in our vicinity). Whichever way, something new and/or something different needs to be worked into our norm to position us globally.

A few, may just actually be ahead of their peers globally already. In Performance Management we refer to them as operating on the Exceed Expectation rating. These ones need to up the stakes, look at their superiors, whose standard they now need to work towards.

I don’t know what we all may have in mind for 2011, but as I challenge myself, I leave this challenge with you, position yourself to become GLOBAL.

Stretch

Saturday 30^th October, 2010 - Up by 2 am, worked in the studio till about 7am when I took a break for breakfast and a nap before getting into the regular Saturday routine.

Sunday 31^st October 2010 - Up by 5am, worked in the studio till about 9am then I took a break to get ready for Church with the family and the rest of the regular Sunday schedule.

Monday 1^st November 2010 – Up by 1am, worked till 4am, took a short nap before starting the week.

And on and on, a peep into my diary in recent times. Even today, I worked from 3am till day break. Stretching, to meet deadline, to perfect my skill, to be better at what I do.

Thinking back though, for the first few weeks after leaving paid employment, I felt one of the things I needed to enjoy was a little more rest, like a nap in the afternoon or longer hours at night. But then I pondered on the routine of some popular/successful people.

Tiger woods

6:00 Weight workout (90 minutes)

7:30 Breakfast ; 8:00 Practice tee (2 hours); 10:00 Putting green

10:30 Play 9 holes; 12:00 Lunch; 1:00 Practice tee (2 hours)

3:00 Short game work; 4:00 Play 9 holes; 5:00 Putting green

5:30 Home

Even though he has played since he was two years old and has a very unique gift for the sport of golf, Tiger focuses on a detailed (and deliberate) practice routine each and every day. Deliberate practice makes Tiger a great golfer. (CrossHairs Trader)

Martha Stewart

Martha Stewart rises before the sun, well-rested and ultra-perky at 3:30 am. But, the fact is that no one has ever seen Martha Stewart sleep ... (Martha Stewart Everyway)

President Obama

He reads several papers, eats breakfast with his family and helps pack his daughters, Malia, 10, and Sasha, 7, off to school before making the 30-second commute downstairs — a definite perk for a man trying to balance work and family life. He eats dinner with his family, then often returns to work; aides have seen him in the Oval Office as late as 10 p.m., reading briefing papers for the next day. (New York Times, January 2009)

John Grisham

When he first started writing, Grisham says, he had "these little rituals that were silly and brutal but very important."

"The alarm clock would go off at 5, and I'd jump in the shower. My office was 5 minutes away. And I had to be at my desk, at my office, with the first cup of coffee, a legal pad and write the first word at 5:30, five days a week."

His goal: to write a page every day. Sometimes that would take 10 minutes, sometimes an hour; ofttimes he would write for two hours before he had to turn to his job as a lawyer, which he never especially enjoyed. In the Mississippi Legislature, there were "enormous amounts of wasted time" that would give him the opportunity to write.

"So I was very disciplined about it," he says… (San Francisco Chronicle, Februay 2008)

What we see usually is the result of their stretches. I have learnt that what got them there and keeps them there is a lifestyle of consistency in giving more than what is common.

It didn’t take time for it to dawn on me that, if I also wanted to be different, then I couldn’t continue to do what the regular person did. I needed to stretch. Truth is, I need to put in extra to get into the extra-ordinary. I would only get out of life what others who sleep and wake at the common time get.

How spot on the words of this quote – The Heights by great men reached and kept were not attained in a sudden flight, but they while their companions slept, were toiling upwards in the night - It regularly filled my mind when I was tempted to become laissez faire with my routine.

So now I stretch. For others it may take another format, but definitely to master that skill or ability, you need to give it more- maybe time, maybe attention. You may need to study more, make more cold calls for that sale or even practice more.

Looking t the end goal usually helps to stay on track with stretching. Even the Bible says…for the joy set before Him, He endured the cross (referring to Jesus Christ).

Remember you can’t get what others are not getting if you give just what they are giving. Keep that target in mind, then ssstttrrreeetttccchhh.

When Pain is Good

Relationships are a good part of the human existence. In fact, I’m not sure how one could live without relating with another person. An old song even goes thus – “No man is an island…” For me, one thing I thrive on in my relationships is the learning opportunity. And one person I always enjoy learning from is my best friend and hubby. The thoughts on this post started with something I took away from one of our “gist-times” recently but was further confirmed by another health incident, this time with my daughter.

During this time together, I learnt – there are times when Pain is good. Then he explained that for instance if I was cutting an orange and the knife happened to cut my finger, if not for the pain I would have felt instantly, I probably would have finished cutting off my finger before I knew it. Or if there was a shootout somewhere and a man happened to walk into it, the pain of a bullet hitting him makes him see the urgency in getting help quickly or he would just bleed to death.

This health incidence with my daughter is somewhat related to one I shared about my son in a previous post – Fix It Early. So I am glad we reacted earlier this time. My older child, being more mature is now able to express herself better. For a little while, she had been complaining about her tummy aching her. Initially, I felt she was just giving some little excuse not to finish her meals or the likes, but when it seemed to continue, I knew whatever it was had to be fixed early. The blood test at the hospital showed she had been infected with malaria, and this was without all the more popular symptoms. For me, that “Mummy, my tummy is paining me…” was a good alert to a full blown illness which might have led to an admission.

Pain however is not always physical. In fact, sometimes it comes more subtle in the form of a discomfort, maybe increasing heat in a room as against it be cool. Sometimes it could be more serious, like the feeling of bondage or oppression which makes us realize we must seek freedom. This I believe led our leaders 50 years ago to fight for the independence of our beloved country NIGERIA. When it comes this way, pain allows us know something is not right and has to be changed or has to be fixed.

Another instance though, of when pain is good, is when we are undergoing change. At this time, we are breaking away from what we have been used to, and coming into the new. An expectant mother in her 1st trimester sometimes goes through some pain as her body adjusts to the new being. She also goes through pain at the point of delivery, but it is good, it leads to a new life. An addict in rehab, goes through physical and psychological pain when being taken off his addiction, but it is good, it leads him to a better life. Pain is good at times like these, but must be endured, must be tolerated for the reward that it eventually brings.

The challenge is in knowing what the pain is tied to, so as to keep it good. I therefore encourage, don’t take pain/discomfort for granted when you feel it. Whether physical, emotional, or psychological, it may mean you need to give something in your life more attention so it doesn’t get worse. On another hand, it may be telling you, endure for a little while longer, some good change is about to come.

Everyman a War, Everyman a Dream

It's been only a few weeks since I resigned. And one of those things that categorize an exit now (especially when voluntary), is the mail composed and sent to one’s colleagues and friends, of the intending change with some encouragement or the other. Before mine, I had also got a number from those leaving to continue their studies, re-locating or getting a career change. One of such mails I would never forget was from a team member, whose had this – “… for every man is fighting his own war”.

In her mail, she was referring to the fact that we have to be more understanding of the seeming misbehaviours of others, as we need to keep in mind that such reactions are due to one reason or the other. Over time, I have come to somewhat agree with this. I have learnt that on a good day, most people want to do good. They want to be perceived as nice and friendly, easy-going, understanding…and all those other good qualities. However, some challenges (in and around) faced may not allow them be. I wouldn’t want to go the route of how we need to mature beyond the pressures we face to maintain our cool in this article, as I can imagine many may be thinking now.

However the truth is, many haven’t. Many may never get mature to the point of knowing how to keep challenges personal; and for them what do we do? For instance, I get to a supermarket in a happy mood, peaceful about a lot of things and mistakenly moving into the queue space of another lady who left a cranky baby in her car…I mean, even if she isn’t the vocal type….I would definitely get the look of my life. But then, she is only fighting her war. Sometimes I may just be doing this at the end of a string of “battles” and it’ll go beyond the look to a shove… because sincerely, she would have had it.

I have learnt therefore, that since I wouldn’t get any explanation from everybody for the battle they are in – losing a job/contract, being late for an important interview, a broken relationship, a sick loved-one, even a stain on a favourite dress - every misbehavior I get is mostly because of some challenge being faced. And for good, I need to be a war-hero by helping to win the war or at the least not start another.

On another note, I watched a documentary recently on Nigeria. Sad one I must confess. A dump-sorter being interviewed at some point referred to his daughter as a future Miss Universe. Sincerely I was wowed. I mean, he wasn’t concerned about the fact that they lived in a shack or that he made his daily living from the neighbourhood dump. This man had a dream that such a wonderful experience would come the way of his offspring. Then I discovered again…every man does have a dream. A dream to be more, to do more or to have more.

Once again, let’s not go into the issue of some dreams being unrealistic. Truth is, we have regarded some dreams as unrealistic and they have become reality. Who would have thought the black could be free, talk more of one being President of a country like the United States of America. Maybe I would be more akin to say a dream is bad (if it is at the expense of the good of others) than unrealistic. I’m learning now to be more careful with people, for really I’d rather be a dream-maker than a dream-killer.

My challenge on a final note is, let's be more conscious of how we handle others who have struggles (within or without), by being war-heroes. We need not add to them. Also, let’s treat the next man with care and respect, and when we can, help him achieve more by being dream-makers. Who knows what world war we could be preventing; or what other invention like electricity we could be discovering.

An Enabling Environment

I was opportune to revise with my daughter for her end of year’s exams sometime last month. One of the subjects for her class, General Knowledge covered a bit on Agriculture basics – types of soil. We studied the 3 major types (Clayey, Loamy and Sandy) and their uses. Just like most of us were taught way-back then, Loamy is the preferred for planting. It’s not that the others can’t allow for some form of growth, but definitely not anything good compared with what the loamy would do.

In the same month, there was an e-mail forward I came across, about a Nigerian family in Britain who had kids that were performing outstandingly beyond what their ages could ordinarily accomplish in academics. My colleagues and I discussed this seemingly chance happening but the consensus was that their being in Britain, in such schools and with such tutors, brought out the best in them.

These facts buttressed a learning - We thrive best in an enabling environment. Our potentials, our dreams, our plans are actualized best when we are located in an enabling environment; like a plant in the appropriate soil. A common saying I used to know goes like this – Apple trees don’t grow in Lagos. That means, there is place for everyone to come out in full bloom. My take on this is this - make sure you are located in your soil (your enabling environment).

However, beyond the physical environment, there is the mind-environment and association-environment. These as well must be supportive. To a great extent we even have better influence on them than even the physical. We can choose what goes on in our mind by what we feed it with and what people influence us by the choice of our confidants and friends.

A challenge then, could be in knowing when we are not in an environment that would be supportive to our potentials/dreams/aspirations. Also, when we are not and cannot move for some reasons, what we need to do.

In more advanced agriculture, each type of soil still has further classifications. Good farmers know which of these would give the best harvest for each crop. But first, they must know which crop they intend to cultivate. Same with us, the crop could be our dream, our plan or our potential. A previous article (Be Better, Know your SWOT -

www.folafayo.blogspot.com ) encourages us to know our strengths, for therein lies our potentials. When we know our crop, it would be easy to tell if the soil would aid growth and productivity. If I dream to be an Olympics medalist in swimming, and there is no pool within my reach, that dream is likely to remain a dream. It’s either I travel regularly to where one is or I re-locate close to one. My challenge on this is for you to note your plans, begin to dream, discover your potential, then you can tell if where you are would help actualize them. If your environment won’t be enabling, then move.

There may be instances when we feel the timing or some other reasons won’t allow us move to our preferred physical environment. What do we do while we wait? We must keep our mind and association environment in top gear. In other words, these two must be “fertilizing” to our plans, dreams or potentials. Just like some fertilizers can be used to enhance the ability of the soil when not good enough.

The state of your mind must become conditioned to bring you to thrive. You need to feed it with information that would motivate and inspire. You can learn to shut out negatives by focusing more on what is positive and what you desire to be. For associations, we need to minimize interactions with those who put us down, who laugh at our dreams and spend more time with those of like minds, those who make us think beyond where we are to what we can become.

We need to get the environment right (mind and association included) to keep energies up, passions alive, focus strong, till we come to full bloom and achieve.