The Vantage Point

Despite the fact that I squeal over the possibilities of an engagement announcement and get a little 'mushy' perusing wedding and other related photos, bridal showers weren't events I used to be at in the past. Probably because it was not really in vogue where I grew up and even in my time. So being at my lil sister's bridal shower was a rare one for me and memorable too.

Now I also don't know what actually goes down at most showers, but the planners of this one made sure there was good time devoted to talking. During this session, questions were asked and lots of counsel shared, mostly from the experiences of those who have been married years before. All to better prepare the new bride for the new phase.

I felt privileged being able to contribute my own bit, having been on this journey for some years too. It seemed natural to look back at the many lessons I'd garnered over the years and to bring it to such a forum to share.

In reality, we all stand in what I'll call 'Points of Advantage'. We've been there, we've seen that, we've done that. We have had successes that brought us gladness. We have had falls, stirred ourselves up, brushed off the dusts and resumed the runs. In all, we have grown and gathered such wealth of knowledge that only experience doles to those it has had direct contact with.

On another hand, life gives us opportunities to leave footprints for those coming after, such that they would run even better. It allows us from the strength we have gained to provide a helping hand or a supporting shoulder to that one who has become weary.

However, at other times, it challenges us to seek out those opportunities to share our wisdom because of the Vantage Point where we now stand. It is easy to look down on certain moments of our lives and assume no one needs to hear that story, but you'll be amazed at how desperately some need them.  

I remember the movie – Vantage Point, which I watched years back. It showed clearly how the spots where people have stood in life have better positioned them for specific views of life's happenings. Eventually our vantage points when better perceived helps connect those dots when we've stepped out of it all.

So then, as we live and learn, let us maximise our many Vantage Points so someone else may see better, understand deeper, or just simply be reminded that that impossible is possible.

'Been There, 'Stand Here, 'See That

 

It was six men of Indostan

To learning much inclined
Who went to see the Elephant
(Though all of them were blind),
That each by observation
Might satisfy his mind

The first approached the Elephant,
And happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side,
At once began to bawl:
“God bless me! But the Elephant
Is very like a WALL!”

… The Third … And happening to take
The squirmy trunk… Thus boldly spoke up and spake:
“…Is very like a SNAKE!”

 …The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,
Said: “E’en the blindest man
Can tell …is very like a FAN!”

…And so these men of Indostan
Disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion
Exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right,
And all were in the wrong!

 (The Blind Men and the Elephant

John Godfrey Saxe (1816 – 1887))

This is an abridged version of this poem, but I have tried to leave some vital details. I learnt it way back in my elementary days, but recent happenings have brought to mind its major lesson. And this has helped me see some issues a bit differently.

Now these ‘blind’ men were in fact using all they had basically to understand the ‘wonder’ they had come to meet. Each one interpreting from their experience based on where they stood and what they touched.

My assumption is that if they all changed positions, they might still say similar things (maybe not exact), to what the previous man had said. So instead of ‘snake’, maybe another blind man would have said ‘hose’ or even ‘rope’. The previous experiences they have had (the turns of life faced, perhaps even personal discovery from victories and failures) shaped each one’s perception leading to those final conclusions.

We all go through life facing issues and getting to hear what others go through. How we perceive those situations, how we judge and also react is tied to our personalities and what has made us who we are (experiences and exposure).

My take from this is that to a big extent, all views and opinions are relatively fair. This realization could actually help us handle issues, especially those involving people a little more differently. In actual fact our different personalities, upbringing, knowledge gained, association and exposure are continually driving how we see. Changes in these also modify our perception too, that is why we are continually changing. It is also why we may not be right all of the time. I could say my town is the largest place on earth, till I stand at the top of the Empire State building (102 floor bldg. in New York) and look at the view from there. However, like the last stanza put their views… albeit subtly fair, not necessarily right.

This does not essentially mean we should leave others in their ‘wrong’ since they may just be seeing or experiencing a small part of the bigger picture. The focus when desiring to help should be to change what we can. Their past and personalities are beyond us, but we can help them adjust even if just a bit from where they stand. We may need to patiently take them round to feel more parts of the elephant, get the bigger picture to respond even more appropriately. Personally, I also try to pray, because it could be tough. So when next someone says ‘really that cup is half empty’, pause and remember this poem before you decide how to respond.

The other challenge is ourselves. We need to make sure we are humble and open to allowing others help us see from a different angle, to share from what they have experienced, or the superior information they have on that issue before we respond or conclude. We need to be flexible to shift from where we stand to where we can get a clearer view and have a better opinion. And probably instead of those individual parts emphasized in the poem, we’ll say, the elephant is all of these indeed.

Failing – A Phase or An End?

I don’t recall ever failing an exam, may be a few low grades that made me sober for a while, but that’s about the worst when it comes to examinations. Well with interviews, I have been failed once (reasons well stated and which I couldn’t deny) but that was even when applying for a visa. As for job interviews, I have been favoured, maybe because over the past 8 years post tertiary education, I have applied formally to only one place and I got a pass since I got the job. So you can imagine how flustered I felt, when I checked the results of the last diet of my professional exams to discover I didn’t make all my papers.

Truth is I sort of felt, O my, is this what failure is all about. Why? What happened? But the paper went well? I felt sad and looked back at all the preparations into that paper, the exam itself. I must confess however that at that point I could have entertained all the negative thoughts possible, I could have resigned to fate and put together a pity party; but these would have only made things worse and stamped that FAILURE word on that phase in my life. Instead, I gathered information on what it would take to do better in my next attempt, and in my subconscious fix a reading schedule to prepare ahead. And with more determination, told myself, I would try again till I make it.

I learnt then that some unexpected situations may come our way in life, so always remember that it doesn’t make you any less than the next person. I also learnt that how you deal with the situation immediately will go a long way to deciding the truth about the situation. Is it a phase of the end? A phase is one that would pass, it’s temporary, it’s for learning. An end means, the final point, the conclusion. Also, dealing with the situation starts with your thoughts. This would lead to the right actions. if you think right, positive then those are the natural actions that would follow.

You may just have to think, okay, what wrong? What do I need to do next time? What timing must I follow? How must I do it? Where must I do it? All to make a difference. But this I also would say, you need to keep on trying till you make it. Do not stop, except you ofcourse you decide to change your route to that end.

Recently a few people were asked to go in a number of companies across the globe, and for many I was opportune to discuss with, my counsel was this, for that person affected, you must begin to strategize immediately, put your brains to work, study and reconnect with people, so that the stream of income will continue. And like earlier mentioned, decide - will this be a phase or the end?