Saturday, September 12, 2009

Going Beyond "I'm Sorry"

I was in a vehicle with someone recently and as usual we were discussing issues, personal experiences and those we had heard about. Somewhere along the line, she made mention of a “cold war” recently resolved between herself and someone close to her.

As usual, or more often than not, as occurs in conflicts, both parties felt in the right and felt were owed the apology. Of course, things dragged a while, till that inner voice desiring peace compelled her to take the first step towards apologizing and eventually reconciling. And just prior to that time, she had almost decided there was no going forward with that friendship. In essence what could have led to a complete break in a relationship was handled maturely and they are better off for it.

For me, I have also had my share of tough times with friends, colleagues, acquaintances and all, but I learnt early the place of talking things over. It does a lot. Again I emphasise - it does a lot. Issues or conflicts can be handled in many ways, you could pretend it is not there, run away from it, let out your mind angrily or deal with it maturely.

Pretending it’s not there, would be falsehood. Truth is it’ll gradually pile up and gradually eat away at the foundation till one day, when something seemingly small makes the whole fall apart. Running away from it, would be cowardice. Truth is in life, certain things will keep occurring even at our new locations of escape till we deal with it and have the skill to handle it right. To let out your mind angrily would be destructive, you’ll say things you’ll regret, you’ll do things you can’t mend and hurt the dear one.

My take – deal with it maturely. It wouldn’t enough to just say sorry. Anyone can say sorry and not really be sincere about it. I’ll say, go a step further to make sure you talk about it. Why? Talking heals, it allows you to see where all concerned are coming from, what exactly went wrong and sometimes how badly hurt those concerned were. Essentially it naturally keeps you on the alert about what to look out for before such repeats itself, you know each other better and many times can boldly tell someone else what that person wouldn’t take, you become an advocate.

Sometimes talking over may not be immediate, simply apologizing could do for that time. But when you can sense it is right, do the talking. I have done some talking over for some conflicts I’ve faced, for some others, I await the right time. Besides what’s life really about if not in loving and relationships, lets live then and keep those relationships alive and healthy.


Adebowale Eboda said...

Absolutely right. I guess its the word for these times we live in!

AIM said...

Very true dear. I am a witness to the fact that you have not only written about this, you practise it at home!