Don't Lose The Reason Why

Indeed there would be times in our relationships especially marriages when we ask ourselves - what exactly was the reason or purpose for this? Situations could come up to question why you even went far enough to say "I Do".

I believe God must have been touched by my musings on this, cos I was led to the popular scripture in Ecclesiastes...

Two can accomplish more than twice as much as one, for the results can be much betterIf one falls, the other pulls him up; but if a man falls when he is alone, he's in troubleAlso on a cold night, two under the same blanket gain warmth from each other, but how can one be warm alone?And one standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer; Three is even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken(Chapter6 v 9-12 TLB)

Rewind back to Gen 2v18... And the Lord said..'It isn't good for man to be alone; I will make a companion for him, a helper suited to his needs'

Yes, scripture is our life manual, and definitely the best source for solutions on any issue and answers to questions we have. There are many other references to marriage aside these, but for now I would stay on these.

So here's my encouragement, when those thoughts come, remember...

1. Companionship is good and God had this in mind. In this relationship, you have a friend to talk to, someone to spend time with, share life with and all the blessings that come with it.

2. Man, she is your helper, suited to meet your needs. Equipped to, if you'll allow her.

3. Woman, you are his helper. With you, he is even better off.

4. Together, you accomplish more. Your results on things done jointly are way better.

5. Somehow, most times, you are not both down at the same time. So that the one up can support the one down to stand again. Many times you don't see things the same way, so that you can both share different perspectives on an issue for a more balanced position and decision. (When this happens with us, my hubby and I call each other 'check and balance')

6. A cold night, cozy under the blanket...nothing like a great love making to the one you're committed to and who is committed to you. You have the right to legit romance and passion, no rush, no guilt, no shame.

7. Back to back, that's your warfare position...you've got his/hers, he's/she's got yours.

8. The ultimate, ultimate...when the one who established it is involved, God Himself; as foundation, as wall around, as light by day and fire by night....it is guaranteed, destiny would be fulfilled, your Canaan would be reached and possessed.

To conclude on this, just recently I read some articles that further inspired me, so try to...

9. Remember those special things about him/ her that you fell in love with; that made your eyes so single (and focused back then) and your body full of light. That's why it is him/her not another. Remind him/her about these things.

10. When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable. So you don't fall into the error of abuse, thankfully re-commit to God. He has a way of restoring the specific sense of purpose of our marriages and the flame so many cares have started to almost blow out.

At His Feet,
Fola''Fayo

Going Beyond "I'm Sorry"

I was in a vehicle with someone recently and as usual we were discussing issues, personal experiences and those we had heard about. Somewhere along the line, she made mention of a “cold war” recently resolved between herself and someone close to her.

As usual, or more often than not, as occurs in conflicts, both parties felt in the right and felt were owed the apology. Of course, things dragged a while, till that inner voice desiring peace compelled her to take the first step towards apologizing and eventually reconciling. And just prior to that time, she had almost decided there was no going forward with that friendship. In essence what could have led to a complete break in a relationship was handled maturely and they are better off for it.

For me, I have also had my share of tough times with friends, colleagues, acquaintances and all, but I learnt early the place of talking things over. It does a lot. Again I emphasise - it does a lot. Issues or conflicts can be handled in many ways, you could pretend it is not there, run away from it, let out your mind angrily or deal with it maturely.

Pretending it’s not there, would be falsehood. Truth is it’ll gradually pile up and gradually eat away at the foundation till one day, when something seemingly small makes the whole fall apart. Running away from it, would be cowardice. Truth is in life, certain things will keep occurring even at our new locations of escape till we deal with it and have the skill to handle it right. To let out your mind angrily would be destructive, you’ll say things you’ll regret, you’ll do things you can’t mend and hurt the dear one.

My take – deal with it maturely. It wouldn’t enough to just say sorry. Anyone can say sorry and not really be sincere about it. I’ll say, go a step further to make sure you talk about it. Why? Talking heals, it allows you to see where all concerned are coming from, what exactly went wrong and sometimes how badly hurt those concerned were. Essentially it naturally keeps you on the alert about what to look out for before such repeats itself, you know each other better and many times can boldly tell someone else what that person wouldn’t take, you become an advocate.

Sometimes talking over may not be immediate, simply apologizing could do for that time. But when you can sense it is right, do the talking. I have done some talking over for some conflicts I’ve faced, for some others, I await the right time. Besides what’s life really about if not in loving and relationships, lets live then and keep those relationships alive and healthy.

What you’re looking for...

Some while ago I asked the young lady staying with me to look for a particular napkin that we used mostly for my baby, or well, he’s more of a toddler now. I gave her the colour to remind her and left her to the search while I did something else. Minutes passed and then I checked on her, and was somewhat taken aback that she was yet to locate it. And then it actually dawned on me, does she know what she is looking for, so I had to ask her, “Do you know what you are looking for?”

While I pondered over this later that morning it struck me that the same problem affects us all in life. Do we really know what it is we are looking for? Truth is, knowing exactly what you’re looking for prevents you from missing it when it comes your way and to know exactly where to get it.

Taking you back to the napkin search for instance, if this young lady had remembered the exact napkin, she’ll recall it had been washed, ironed and kept. The challenge would now be to know where it wouldn’t have been kept and search the more likely places first. But as it were, she was checking anywhere possible for something that may match what I needed.

In relationships for instance, particularly one that could lead to marriage, my counsel had always been to know the kind of spouse you want. Many say it’s not nice to be too rigid, but truth is, if you can’t stand for your choice and wait for it, you’ll probably settle for anyone. Before I met my husband, I had a list of the must have’s for instance (maybe what many ladies would want though), God fearing, God loving, Intelligent, Caring and yeah with a good sense of humour. With God’s favour, when he came by, I knew it. The same would go for a job, an opportunity to bless, even material things like houses, cars et al.

If you don’t want to miss that thing when it comes, if you want to be able to sift through the available options quickly, if you want to know where you can start your search, then take time out to itemize the description or quality of what you’re looking for. You may need to even prioritize the list where applicable and probably ask around from valid sources (for me this includes God often), and on many occasions I have found what I was looking for. Taking this back to you…What are you looking for?

Plot Your Route

During one of our last vacations in the UK, we had to get to an uncle’s place by taking a cab. We had never been to this place before but were not so much concerned about missing our way because our hosts had made us understand that most if not all cabs had the Navigator (Satellite/GPRS). They also had one in their car as well.

To use the navigator one just had to specify the destination point and the starting point and it automatically plotted the route. In addition it would guide the user on where to turn to the left or the right, how long the distance would be before making another turn or coming to a stop.

In understanding how it works, one just needs to note that some major landmarks and geographic points had been identified in reality, for which the Navigator identifies & links via a satellite while mapping routes. And it is based on these that it plots the desirable routes.

So I ask, do you have a Navigator in place as we start this new year. Have you identified your destination in different areas of your life, have you identified major landmarks? For those who have and are even used to that annual habit I have a learning to share. For those who haven’t yet, I challenge you – take time out, reflect on where you are, where you want to be and write down those goals or dreams you desire to accomplish in this year.

Yes, write them down. It is not enough to know it in your heart, you need to write it down, so you can have a guide in place and also a list to tick off. Writing down helps you know when that opportunity comes knocking since you’ve identified what it is you want. You may want to look at different sub-headings – Spiritual, Marriage/Relationship, Family and Children, Academic/Career/Business and others.

My recent learning on goal setting which I hope to make a habit this year, however, is regular review. You just have to continue to see that thing, to desire it, to have it. That’s an advertising secret. It may not be enough to write it down and check it out at the end of the year, you need to go back to it, look at it regularly, add to it or take from it as the case may be and consciously put in place the necessary to accomplish it.

I have my Navigator already working, do you?